Much of modern psychology has taught a person should be feeling a certain way. If they are not feeling that way than they have a problem that needs to be fixed. The implied message is that certain feelings are acceptable and certain feelings are not. Certain feelings are normal and certain feelings are not. And if you are not feeling a particular way than something is wrong.
I would like to suggest that there is no particular way you need to feel. You can feel however you would like in the moment and then move on to the next. I once heard a powerful statement from Dr. Kieth Blevins. An interviewer asked him “how’s your day going?” to which Dr. Blevins replied “So far ive felt moments of worry, moments of insecurity, moments of happiness, moments of calm and write now I’m feeling Okay. And its only 12 O’ Clock! I can’t wait to see what else I’m going to feel today!”
Wow, what if we didn’t judge our feelings? What if we didn’t judge our thoughts? What if we didn’t judge ourselves and others in our life? We would have a lot less thinking on our minds! We would feel free to feel the gamut of human emotions and then move on. We would be less rigid less stuck. Plain and simple our minds would be quieter.
When we have so much thinking and judgment about how we are doing life and what we are feeling and thinking we innocently are taken out of beauty, grandeur and awe of life itself. From moment to moment we are living in the feeling of our thinking. As our thinking changes so does our emotional state. There is a natural flow to the way thoughts work.
I was once working with an adult who was a chronic marijuana smoker (no pun intended). This individual had seen therapist for years on end and had a bitter struggle with marijuana. I once asked him “why do you smoke?” to which he replied “I feel so insecure and uncomfortable, it unbearable.” To which I replied “well, what’s wrong with feeling insecure? Who said you’re not allowed to feel insecure?” during our conversation I kept repeating “and then what?” for the first time in his current situation he was able to see that he kept judging his feelings of insecurity that it was not okay to have. The moment he was able to see that he was free from smoking marijuana and has not gone back since.
A person behavior flows out from their emotional state. For example: If you think upset you act upset. If you feel calm you act calmly. You can feel free to substitute whatever behaviors you would like because all behavior have their origin in thought. The thought feeling connection are inextricably tied to each other. It’s really quite simple, I couldn’t think I hate you and feel love for you at the exact same time. The opposite is also true, I couldn’t think I love you and feel hatred for you exactly at the same moment.
When a person stops policing one’s own thinking and emotional state, one’s innate health starts to shine. Not that it was ever lost. One’s natural common sense, intuition, perspective and wisdom starts to show up more for them. It’s like deleting pictures on your cell phone when it is full, you get more room on your phone. By not judging your feelings and emotional state your mind gets quieter. We all possess the capacity to live life in judge free manner. There is no feeling that you are not supposed to have. There is no feelings that is not normal. It’s all part of the human experience.
